Whispers · In · The · Dark

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Aww poor thing! LOL!

I'm tired so this is gonna be short. I'm just gonna include a quiz.

Your Mood Ring is Blue

Relaxed At ease Calm Lovable

Hey that's how I feel ....it forgot to mention that I'm tired.

I sent that image to David. I think I am making some headway in the begging him to return department. I am for a real punishment when he returns(if he does). I am somewhat excited by that. I am a bit of a masochist.

You May Be a Bit Borderline...

Your mood swings make a roller coaster look tame! When you're up, you're a little bit crazy... And when you're down, your whole world is crashing Scary thing is, these moods can change by the minute!

Well I thought since I decided yesterday I was gonna not go to my initial psych appoinment I would just take this quiz instead.


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Well I believe that it's sad that accoording to a national poll more people are concerned with the war in Iraq then Terrorists. So the war was about 90% and just what was the percentage of people that were concerned about terrorism 5%! I guess those are the people who think that Iraq had something to do with 9/11.

so I have been doing nothing all day long and I like it for the most part. I wish someone would have called me on the phone but I suppose I would have had to of been off the computer long enough. Stupid dial up. I decided one of the first things I do when I get my tax money is too get DSL again on my computer. I mean not that a lot of people call me or anything but because things will load up faster. Such as videos and stuff.

I also sent David an ultimatum message and I hope he replies because I just want to know if he's coming back or not. I'm not the most patient perosn in the world. In fact I am the most impatient person I know. I definetly am a lover of instant gratification. I think this behavior somewhat impedes me but hey it's who I am. I am learing to except myself and not feel bad because I got flaws. I asked David once if there was anything about me he didn't like and he said no. I don't think he was being honest. There had to of been something he didn't like. I mean there are things about myself that I don't even like for god sakes!

So I decided that I'm not attending my appointment tuesday. I think that there are some things better left unknown. I just don't feel like bothering with it. It's way too much hassle and it's more for me to stress out about. The less stress the better I think. I don't need a doctor too tell me that. Then if they do diagnose something I will be taking medicine that will make me a different person. I don't like that idea. So I'm gonna be my crazy self.

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Albino Dancer. Where You Lived: Boliva. How You Died: Typhoid fever.

Cool I lived in Bolivia :)

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I sent that to him in a message via Myspace. I just thought it was so damn cute! It made me smile. Something I am having a hard time doing lately.

So today was the day to be lazy. My son's friend sheldon came over for awhile and that kid was so well behaved. I visited with his mom for awhile when she came to pick him up. I learned that she likes horror movies which is cool. So we may go see a horror movie sometime when I can afford it.

You Are From Pluto

You are a dark, mysterious soul, full of magic and the secrets of the universe. You can get the scoop on anything, but you keep your own secrets locked in your heart. You love change and you use it to your advantage, whether by choice or chance. You don't like to compromise, to the point of being self-destructive with your stubborness. Live life with love, and your deep powers will open the world to you.

So am I right when I say this but didn't scientists dismiss Pluto as a planet? So that would mean I am from nowhere.

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is high. You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person. And in return, you expect the same from who you love. Any sign of straying, and you'll end things. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is high. It's your way or the highway when it comes to love. You like to be very involved in your sweetie's life. No question, you like to be the one calling the shots. Cynicism: Your cynicism is medium. You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love... But you've definitely been burned enough to know better. You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist. Independence: Your independence is low. This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships.. It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life. In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together.

So that sounds about right. Although I am submissive and to only one man. If only he would have me again.

He He remember that from the movie Pirates of The Caribbean? I just love those movies.

So I was able to talk to David for about two hours last night via Yahoo messenger. I just let him know how I feel about him and how I desperately want him back. I don't know if he will come back to me but maybe he will. It's only a matter of time I guess. Love is a thing that can't end.

You Are 20% Redneck

I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style. You ain't no redneck - you're all Yankee!

Sexy & Romantic glitter graphics from www.sexiluv.com


So I'm not gonna elaborate much tonight cause I'm tired. I did not hear anything else from David. I was hoping to receive a response but alas nothing. Oh well.

Java Chip Frappuccino

You're a caffeine addict and pretty high maintenance about your coffee. There's a good chance that everyone at your Starbucks knows your name.

You know I really am a caffeine addict. So I went shopping today and I actually didn't get distracted and forget anything. I think it was because I didn't feel rushed. That is one of the worst feelings in the world. I fuckin hate that. I got these humongous oranges there! I mean there the size of fuckin grapefruits! I also got two diffrent kinds of new Life cereal. Yeah chocolate and vanilla yogurt crunch. They were buy one get one free. So I got enough cereal to last me for awhile. I also got this new kind of chocolate bar. It's a little sinfull I admit. Cause I'm supposed to be on a diet. I followed the serving size though. It's one of those really big chocolate bars. Anyway it's dark chocolate ......It's actually called "CACAO RESERVE and they have labels that tell you the origin of the type of chocolate. My type or flavor hails from Santo Domingo. So this is what it says,"Bright fruity notes and delicate spice". Fancy huh? It's about 67% CACAO. Very good...MMMM! So anyway my diet is very successfull thus far. I wore a pair of pants I haven't wore in a while and they were so loose I had to wear a belt. Go Me! It was a very big moral booster for me. I also besides the chocolate bar and easy bake chocolate cookies I actually was a very health conscience shopper. My son rode the penny horse at meijers about four times while we waited for the bus. Then there was about four cop cars down at the other end. I wasn't sure what was going on but when we left on the bus there was a cop talking to this suspicious looking guy. Oh yeah and I saw a guy that looked liked Rob Zombie in the check out lane. I mean this guy had more hair then David. I haven't heard from him yet. I don't really think I'm going too. Well I will admit that I'm still in love with him. Oh well. Life goes on I suppose. I know he has women out there that want him as bad as I do. Especially this beautifull and vivacious blond named crystal. I could never measure up to her in looks. Other then that I have her beat. Oh yeah and we are getting a starbucks here. I might go there just to check it out. I will get the above named drink so that I write about what I thought about it.

You Are a Blueberry Margarita

Honestly, there's no one quite like you. And believe it or not, most people think that's a bad thing! You're open, wild, friendly, wacky, and tons of fun. You have a big personality... and a big heart.

That sounds kind of good and very refreshing actually. Margarita's are my all time favorite drink I must say.

So still no word from David. If he ever returns to me I'm not gonna drive him away. I am ready to commit to him. I'm just ready to settle down with someone. I mean I'm almost thirty. I just think that it's time and I don't want to be with anyone else. He's it for me.

So today was okay. I took my son to Big Boy and it was good as always. My son ate all his food except for his fries which he didn't want. I got the soup and salad bar. I highly recommend it.

So I wish I could go see "Primevil". That movie about the serial killer that killed over three hundred people! I just didn't think I would have money but I do now I just don't have anyone to go with. Damn it! Of course I could ask my friend jennifer but she nver has money and I can't pay for anyone else but me. Well maybe I will wait till it comes out on DvD.

So I was flipping through the channels this moring and came across Beavis and Butthead. I think Beavis is my favorite character! He makes me laugh!

Well today was a pretty good day actually. I got my cable billed payed and then called the cable company and told them that the check is on the way. So my cable will not be shut off! Hooray! I also got a new McDonald's tote bag and big yellow water bottle. They gave them out to all the crew. I also asked Jason if I could fill mine with pop from the lobby and he let cause he said I work hard and I work extra hours a lot! I think I felt better after hearing him say that. It's nice to know that my work is appreciated. Oh yeah and there was a three car collision right in front of McDonalds today. Jason was out doing his travel path and then it happened right when he was outside. I saw one of the cars and the rear bumper was almost completly off. Crazy college drivers. Apparently what happened was that the first car slammed on it's brakes so a chain reaction ensued. Oh yeah and then I was able to try my new creamer and let me tell you...I never thought that coconuts and creamer were so compatable. MMMM delicious!

Well now don't call me a stalker but I was looking at David's myspce page and noticed he logged in today. At least I know he's okay. Although I haven't heard from him personally. Maybe this means I never will. I sent him one more message via myspace. I guess I'm just gonna wait and see what happens.

Well I haven't heard from David yet. I just can't let go of the little glimmer of hope that he will come back to me. I just can't bear the thought of him suffering. I hope he is doing okay. If I could just hear his voice I would be happy. I just have this hole in my heart. An emptiness inside. I try to to push my feelings of longing for him aside but it's so hard to do. I just can't stop loving him.

My son said the sweetest thing today to when we were riding home on the bus. Darn can't quite remember it now but it's was something about having love in my heart and then he said don't you miss him? Then my son said he misses him too. My son amazes me with the stuff he says sometimes.

Well My son has a playdate on sunday with his little friend sheldon. My little boy is growing up! Then he told me all there was to know about whales. He has been learing about them at school. He is so smart.

I didn't go to muffins with mom cause it's was way to early to be up. My son didn't really mind. I told him I would take him to Big Boy. So we are going there saturday. I actually have three days off and my son does too. They don't have school monday cause of Martin Luther King Day.

I think we need a man like him. Someone to unite the massess without making them conform to someone else's beliefs. I think that's the problem with people these days. They are so quick to jump and proclaim there religion is the right one. I don't there is "A RIGHT RELIGION". It's not a fuckin popularity contest. I think people need to stop and realize that religion is something based on peace,love,acceptence and forgiveness. We all hurt, We all bleed and We all see. It time to forget the hurt and the bloodshed this war of senselessness is causing and use our eyes to see what damage we are causing. Well that is my rant on the war in Iraq. I can't beleive that the president is sending over twenty thousand more troops to Iraq! He is out of his mind. Oh yeah and here is something I found to somewhat interesting. Did you know that the country of Iraq used to be known by a different name? It was called Babylon folks!

So yesterday was the day that was the day. The end of something and the beginning of something else. Well what ended was the fact that David was living here. I gave him a kiss and a hug before I left for work knowing full well when I got home he wouldn't be there. It hurt me to know that but I didn't know how much till I got home. The moment I walked upstairs and looked around and felt the silence I just burst out crying. I cried for about four hours nonstop. I really need him a lot more then I thought. I need his love and embrace. I miss him so much. I just don't know if he will ever return after all of this.

So the beginning is finally getting help for my emotional problems. Which basically means I made an appoinment to see a psychiatrist. ( that is a hard word to spell by the way) So I'm going later this month. I hope they can do something to stop me from being so stressed out all the time.

Ever heard the song, For You by Staind? That song is how I am. It's about David and I. I remember one day we were not getting along and I had my music playing on my computer and David was singing it. He actually has a decent voice.

So I guess the government raised the minimum wage to $7.25 an hour! I wonder if that means my pay will increase? It would be awesome if it did.

You know I was talking to one of my favorite managers today and I was telling her about how I lost my job at BK. I then said that it took me a month to find a job. I feel like such a jerk! I never even gave David a chance. He will probably never take me back. I have never regretted something so much in my life. Then to make matters worse there is another storm that is gonna hit Colorado again! David has to stop at Denver! Oh I hope nothing happens to him. He is my knight in shining armor.

So I stayed two extra hours today at work. I swear they alwys ask to stay late or call me on my days off. I suppose that's good since I don't get very many hours to begin with. So I got a free flurry out of the deal which was cool. It was the hershey take 5 kind. That's my favorite. So another cool thing that I got at walmart was a new kind of coffee creamer. I am a big coffee conessiour! So it's called coconut creme! I have not tried it yet since I am finishing the other one I am allready using.

Oh yeah and it's wierd how you will think about a scenario not really expecting it to happen but then it does. life is wierd like that. I kept having the notion that after David left something would happen between rachel and brandy. Well it did and Brandy asked me if she could stay with me. I said sure. I like her, she's cool. I just think it's wierd cause I kind of expected that to happen. Well she's gonna call me if need be so I guess we will see. Everything happens for a reason even if the event is unpleasant. I still want David back. I can't imagine him being with anyone else. Although I always used to say, " Your happiness is my happiness sir".

Today well I mean yesterday. I think the benadryl is kicking in. I 'm getting tired. I have had a real problem sleeping lately. Well tonight I watched the movie Hide and Seek. That movie made me cry a lot for reasons that well I don't feel like divulging cause I don't want to be that person that is known as a downer. I will just wait till I get drunk then I will post something about it. It's wierd cause when I watched it the first time I never felt like I could relate to Dakota Fannings character Emily so much. Allthough this time is a diffrent story. I don't know if anyone has seen it yet but I won't give it away. I will say this once you've seen it, watching it again is like watching from a diffrent point of view.

Oh yeah and I uploaded some new icons! Yeah cool right? Well then when I hit my browser button my ex's file called"Dave's Crap " came up and I noticed some female names. So I was curious and clicked on them. One of them I think is his friends sister. The other one's well basically the girls look young. Probably about fifteen or sixteen. One particular picture is a close up of a girl's face but she looks abotu thirteen maybe fourteen. I hate it when I'm right.

So yeah I kind of expected it but I can't beleive that he made no effort to conceal those pictures from me. He must think I 'm really naive! Boy is he wrong! So apparently he is going to church with this guy tomorrow cause he is paying for his way to saginaw. I don't think God can save him.

So I was bored when I got home and decided after my son went too bed I would organize the mess of toys behind my couch. See my living room is set up wierd and I have a black wrap around couch that cuts off part of the living room. My son likes to throw his toys back there. Well anyway it's all clean and shiny. He's gonna be excited to see it all fixed. He likes playing back there. It's kind of like a little fort for him. I used to love forts when I was a kid.

I am going grocery shopping tomorrow. I am excited. I like shopping for stuff. I'm glad my ex is leaving. He is so selfish! So here the scenario that made me see him in a different light. I go to the Red Cross cause were out of food. My ex buys a fuckin game and fuckin dumb ass book with a walmart gift card. So he ended up just getting the pin info for the card via e-mail. I asked him why his sister didn't just sned it and he said," I didn't want them to have to waste money on a stamp". I was just appaled! I couldn't believe that! So basically instead of using that for neccessities like a responsible adult he uses for his own personal gain.

Never again will I let my heart be my guide, Trust intuition!

Buried at PhotoCasket.com

So this really sucks! My cable bill is due by the fifteenth and I don't get paid till the twelfth. So this means that my cable is probably gonna be shutoff :( Oh well at least I will still have the internet and my extensive DVD collection. See the reason why it's getting shut off is because I'm about two months behind on it. Yeah it really sucks but it could be worse.

So today at work sucked cause I was on back booth and the customer's were really getting on my nerves. I think I can attribute my raised level of annoyance to the fact that I quit smoking.

So my son brought home a note from school about this thing called "muffins with mom". I decided impulsively that I would go without knowing my work schedule. Of course today I get it and I have to work at eleven that day! Then since the thing starts at 8AM I have to get up and shower at 6 AM! I am not a morning person! So now I feel obligated to go even though I don't want too. I just don't want to hurt my son's feelings.

So on to some relationship stuff. I sort of made up yesterday if you what I mean ;) Well anyway it doesn't really matter cause he is still leaving tuesday. I just can't live with a man I think. I mean sometimes I just get so mad at him and then sometimes I just want to hold and never let go. I am an emotional disaster when it comes to guys.

So I took my sister's quiz and I got the same results whoopee!

You Are Apple Cider

Smooth and comforting. But downright nasty when cold.

So I'm pretty much stuck at a stand still at the moment when it comes to relationships. Oh Well...life goes on.

So anyway enough about the crap onto some new and exciting McDonald's product news! We are getting a new coffee machine that makes twenty seven different types of coffee. I think it's gonna be installed tomorrow. So in light of this I think I will be taking and including in this post of a mine a coffee related quiz.

You are a Black Coffee

At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it Your caffeine addiction level: high

Okay the results are very funny since I can't stand black coffee...Yuck! I 'll take mine with cream and sugar please :)